I’m watching my kid brother warm up for his basketball game after I just wrapped the shit out of his ankle. I absolutely hate that he is going to play injured and every time his feet hit the floor he is doing a little more damage. I’m sitting here paranoid as hell, afraid to go to the bathroom in case he falls too hard and gets hurt and I’m not there. I pushed it too, I was a hotshot with college recruits who insisted on playing with injured knees because the surgery would take me out for 6months. I played anyway and I played hard, instead of playing college ball I’m sitting on the sidelines watching my baby brother repeat my mistake. There is nothing I can do or say about it because I remember ignoring all the advice too…all for the hour long thrill of weaving my way down a court and scoring as gracefully as poetry is read. I’m watching him grimace in pain and rub at his leg but I know he wont get off the court until he is dragged off or limps off to play another day and risk it all again…
I think my cat is an evil genius. He can walk on me and place his every paw step on a sensitive organ and make me squirm like a dying worm. I hate him :/ he had my ovary and appendix in one hit. Bastard
The only thing left to hate you for is the regret that eats at my soul. The lessons I didn’t learn, the bitterness behind all I yearn. I should have known better than to invest In someone who was so far behind the best. I took the time to rebuild my heart, wove my feelings and words into works of art. For you to never feel alone or hurt, the pain built in me by another kept me alert. I could never put another through what I went through and still manage to say that I cared for you. To feel such strange and foreign things unable to control the fact that your heart sings. But to never know if you are singing alone because your beloved chose to leave her heart unknown. is a pain I cannot describe, a gnawing worry that makes you feel less alive. In a trance between enamored and unsure, If what you’re feeling is permissible or true. Time wasted behind coy games to appease a power play leaves me unsure of whether to go or stay. To give this burden to another is a thing I wouldn’t dare, dragging someone along with their heart in their hands isn’t fair. My sins are many but of this I’m clear. To speak my heart and mind is worth the fear instead of hurting the one that I hold dear. To make myself feel better and try to make it up to you with a letter, loaded with empty generic words that cut me to my core and leave me wanting you no more. All the wasted time and energy caused by you makes me glad that we are through. Between the painful duet of my past, it’s no surprise my jaded heart doesn’t last. long behing this cage of fragile rib bones. waiting for the persyn I can trust but forced to acknowledge that all there is for now is lust.
So today I finally splurged on getting hair and nails done and I’m having a moment. First off, I absolutely hate being touched by strangers so it actually wasn’t relaxing at all. Second, I have the attention span of a gnat so the poor lady wanted to kill me for wiggling around so much. But, i digress, for the first time in..ever.. I did a serious cut and dyed my hair and I’m trippin balls. I love it but I don’t recognize myself anymore. I seriously walk past a mirror and have a whole moment of “who the fuck?!” I’m completely aware of the first world nature this problem encompasses but well shit I’m complaining on my tumblr account using 3G internet on my iPhone. So suck it